The good news is that it doesn't have to be this way. There is a series of simple steps you can take to restore your agency and regain control of your life. We'll start by unpacking the concept of agency just a bit more, and then we'll show you how to restore it (we say restore because you already have it).
COMMON QUESTIONS ABOUT AGENCY
There is often a moment in our sessions with clients and patients when we pause and say something along the lines of "I know you feel overwhelmed, and I want to tell you two things: 1) There are good reasons why you feel the way you do, and 2) I have found that there are specific practices that have proven highly effective in helping people restore control of their lives, through what we call their agency." They usually respond with the following questions:
* "What are the core features of agency?" Agency is, fundamentally, the ability to slow things down, focus, and size up your current situation and make good decisions. This comes from developing a capacity to pause, reflect, and deeply consider where you find yourself. In its highest form, agency allows you to step outside of yourself and assess the quality of your own thinking and feelings, a concept that psychologists call metacognition. This is all another way of saying that agency allows you to see your life accurately and envision it as it could be—and plot the steps to get there. Note some things that agency is not about: "productivity" or "high performance" (although it does bolster both).
* "How do you know when you are lacking agency?" The most common symptom is the feeling of being stuck in an unsatisfying place, overwhelmed by everyday life, and unable to clear your mind and organize your thoughts to figure out how to get unstuck. It often involves feeling controlled or held back by outside forces—your work situation, or people in your family or your community, for example. Lack of agency often involves experiencing considerable doubt about your proper place in the world. People often describe a sense of going through the motions without a true direction or confidence in their future. In more extreme cases, people say they feel like they're drifting through life and not truly connected to anyone, even friends and family.
* "What is eroding my agency?" We are in a period of profound and accelerating change to our day-to-day lives, and this produces a commensurate need for us all to adapt—and to do so without the benefit of a guidebook or road map. When the capacity to adapt is overtaxed for an extended period, the resultant increase in anxiety, if elevated and chronic, leads to a decline in agency.
* "Does everyone have the capacity to develop a higher level of agency?" Absolutely. Agency is a human capacity that can be learned. Indeed, human history itself can, in many ways, be seen as a quest for agency. While some people appear better at adapting to difficult situations and show more agency than others, this is because they have learned to do so. Each of us may have greater agency in some domains of our lives than others. The important thing for your purposes is that there are specific and proven practices that can help you develop your agency no matter what your baseline.
HOW WE DEVELOPED THE AGENCY-BUILDING PRINCIPLES
One of the great parts of our jobs is that we often get to hear people describe their approach to solving difficult problems at work or home, and in doing so we learn about their intuitive, trial-and-error methods for building agency. For example, Paul once coached a senior-level executive, Steve, who was feeling uncharacteristically defeated at work. Steve reported being worried and preoccupied to the point that his ability to make decisions was being severely compromised. This was both new and highly unsettling for him and, even more unsettling, he didn't know exactly what was causing it. Hitting the Pause button periodically over the course of several months to carve out room to reflect more deeply on his situation allowed him to arrive at a creative solution. While hesitant at first to even consider questioning his life's ambition to be CEO of a large public company, he ultimately embraced the idea of taking himself off the CEO track as he began to see himself and his options in new ways. Coming to the realization that his long held ambition was in conflict with the reality of what it entailed, he decided to embark on a new path in venture capital incubating startups and mentoring aspiring entrepreneurs. The act of deliberating and initiating a bold, well considered life change that was in sync with his core passion and values left him confident in his ability to thrive no matter what the future brings. This is the essence of agency.
Steve is just one example of a client from whom we've learned about agency in practice. Our work gives us privileged access to the inner worlds of many people who are successfully pursuing their passion in life. These are people from many walks of life, including teachers, athletes, business leaders, law enforcement officers, healers, and scientists, among others. What unites them is a remarkable degree of self-possession, confidence, and personal agency. We've witnessed many of them adapting and thriving despite the high-stress stakes of modern living.
